I Just Need to Vent...Ok?

I walked up to a co-worker's desk and she said, "Girl, you look so cute. I love that outfit - you are looking so great these days." I've been trying a little harder when I get dressed in the morning. I had gotten into the, "I don't feel good about myself so why bother" mode. That mode is so demoralizing. You totally stop trying and then you feel bad so it fuels the whole emotional eating cycle. Get up, get beautified and feel good all day! That's my new motto.

Back to the story. Another co-worker peeked out from her office and you could tell she thought the other woman was complimenting me because I have lost weight. I haven't lost enough yet for that to be the reason and when she looked she was a little confused. She looked and said, "Oh, wow..." and then she sort of stumbled on her words because I hadn't really lost anything. Finally she said, "That is a cute outfit. You know, there is a girl in my supper club who lost 100 pounds and she gained it all back but she's back on it and is doing boot camp. Would you ever do boot camp?"

I wanted to say, "STOP! STOP! STOP! Step back into your office before you say another word." I know that this woman is uncomfortable in her own skin because everytime I give her a compliment it is deflected and rebutted with a comment about how much weight she needs to lose or that she's not where she needs to be. I get it. However, why do these older women (and it usually seems to be the older, mother types who say these things to me) feel like they always have to point out that I'm overweight and offer a solution for it? It drives me absolutely crazy. It takes a 'I feel great and so cute today' moment to a 'I'll never be cute, I'm just fat and I hate myself' moment in 2.2 seconds.

Allowing my thoughts to degrade is the part I can control. This lady went back to work and I stood there with the other lady and said, "Well, I feel cute right now, without boot camp." She said, "Girl, that is the truth. You own that cuteness." I feel ok now - not bad but not really on the same high. The power of words.

Unless someone asks for help or weight loss advice, don't share it. It's offensive. Don't even get me started on people who analyze your meal for you while you eat it. I don't care how healthy you are...it's rude. Focus on your goals and your health and share freely when someone asks...otherwise, just wait - the moment will come to share your boot camp comment. If it doesn't, trust that they can get it on their own or they'll ask for help if they can't.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Movin' and Groovin'

I did not make my 5 in 10 day goal. I hit 2 work-outs. However, I did walk 3 times when I was home for Christmas - 40 minute walks. I have done one weight/cardio work-out since returning from home. Add all that together and that is 6 work-outs in 15 days. Not perfect but pretty darn good. I'll take it.

I now have to bite the bullet and get on the scale this Saturday. MIA is over. My brother-in-law and I have a little wager into the New Year and I plan to trounce him. We are doing an eight week challenge with wagers ever four weeks. It all starts on Saturday. Even though it seems like I'm free until Saturday, I am keeping up with working out and have slowly started to get my diet back under control. Fruits. Veggies. Beans. Raw nuts. They are all back in the cupboards. It's amazing how much better I feel when I eat this way.

Here's to continuing the journey - the holiday detour has ended.

I am down but not out...

The challenge sort of fizzled...although I have worked out twice and have minimized my sweet intake. I have not been to my WW meetings and won't be back until after the first...but I am not out. I am still being mindful of what I am eating and will complete my other three work-outs before the 23rd. My favorite thing to do at my parent's house is walk - they have miles of sidewalks through beautiful lakes, etc. So nice.

I hope you are faring better. Honestly, I always have a huge battle with WW. I do not want to be stuck putting a points value on my food the rest of my life and being so mindful of what I eat all the time. When I say mindful, I don't mean mindful when I'm eating it but always thinking about the next meal and how it relates to all my other meals, my weekly, monthly, and annual meals. I really want to be able to eat when I am hungry, make wise choices, and stop when I am satisfied. Intuitive eating they call it. That is what I want - not to be preoccupied for the good or bad. My issue with it is that I say, "Ok, this is what I am going to do" and then I end up eating too much and gaining five more pounds...that I do not want to do.

I am going to try it this Christmas season...and continue being intentional about moving and what I eat. Merry Christmas everyone!

Day 1 of the Challenge DOWN

I trounced day 1 of the challenge. TAKE THAT RANDOM SWEETS! Woo hoo! I ate really whole and nutritious foods and did strength training for 20 minutes. I'm even a little sore today. Woo hoo!

Today is going to be tricky. I have a party tonight. I didn't factor in parties. I only have two in the next 10 days - one tonight and one on Saturday night. I am thinking of allowing one sweet at each party - the best and the brightest. That should keep me from bingeing and keep me motivated to stay on track the rest of the time.

I have my next work-out (a walk) scheduled for tomorrow! Can't wait!

A Christmas Challenge

I am going to challenge myself this Christmas. It may backfire on me, but I had to do something drastic. The occasional treats were becoming more and more frequent and as I sat on the couch last night eating a peanut butter sundae, I said, "The buck stops here."

The next 10 days are filled with work and errands (no Christmas parties - those have passed at this point). There is no reason why I have to have sweets everyday. So, I decided to challenge myself to the following goals:

1. No sweets between now and December 23rd (the only exception is wedding cake at a wedding this weekend...I never, ever, ever pass up a chance to eat wedding cake...however, if the wedding cake is not good, I will take a bite and leave the rest)
2. Work-out five times between now and December 13th

This 'tightens the belt' until the actual holiday and gets me active again. I was challenged FIRST THING this morning when my co-worker brought in Satan's brownies. I call them this because they are the very essence of temptation...brownies with a strip of toffee inside. Outrageously good. If I did not have these goals, I would have popped one in my mouth because it was a special Christmas treat. Instead, I stayed out of the kitchen until they were gone! Go me.

Are you challenging yourself this Christmas?

Two Weeks?!

Where is the time going? It's exactly 2 weeks until Christmas and I have been so busy celebrating the holiday that I have missed it. AGGGH! I don't know why but this year the season has hit hyper speed. Where is it going?

Last night I had an ornament exchange with some old friends - six years running - great ladies. Everyone brings a sweet or a savory dish. Every single lady brought a sweet. Thankfully, I put out some hummus and chips - something to cut the sweet. I powered through four sweets and two glasses of white wine in about four minutes and lived to regret it the rest of the evening. What's worse is that none of it tasted that good to me. It was all a little too much. (this does not mean that it was not well made - just wasn't what I wanted) It has just been six weeks but my tastes have changed.

The question remains - why did I still eat it? When I was eating it and it wasn't tasting that good to me and I knew I'd feel bad later - why did I still eat it? I thought about this more after talking to my friend Whitney this morning. I was trying to please people. These ladies are all stay at home moms now and they were all so excited to be out and to bring their fun baked goods to someone else. I ate them because I wanted everyone to feel ok with what they brought. I didn't want anyone to feel like I favored one person's goodie over another. I was able to say no to the storebought pie because she didn't make it.

Isn't that bizarre? I do it when I go home, too. My Mom will make something and I don't want to let her down so I eat it...even if it isn't what I want in the moment. My Dad makes great eggs and pancakes but sometimes I don't want that for breakfast - but I eat them anyway. They taste good. I enjoy it. Still, I know I was eating it to please someone. In that moment, I say no to myself and yes to someone else.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when it is good and right to focus on others over ourselves...I'm just not sure this is an area where it's wise to do so. The funny thing is that no one would have cared three minutes later if I ate their baked good. They were happy to hear I enjoyed it and got a momentary lift but they honestly would have been just fine if I said, "You know, I am not craving sweets right now - I really want some hummus."

This is a great lesson and a muscle I am going to try to flex this season. Here's to new learning experiences!

Delicious Soup

Tuscan Bean Soup

Ingredients:
2 Cans White Kidney or Northern Beans (I think they are the same thing)
4-5 Fresh Sage Leaves
1 can of diced tomatoes
White Wine
Chicken Stock/Broth
Pepper or peppercorns
Smoked turkey wing (or drumstick) – they sell these two to a pack with smoked meats at most stores.
Salt
Rind of a piece of parmesan reg (this is optional)

‘structions

Rinse the cans of beans for a minute or two in cold water. Throw them in a large pot (could use your crockpot, too)
Swirl white wine once around the pan.
Add Chicken broth until it covers the beans (I used half of a box)
Heat the beans on medium for a few minutes (allowing some of the wine to cook off)
Bring the heat down to low
Drain and add diced tomatoes to the pot
Put in a handful of ground pepper (or a few whole peppercorn)
Add Sage.
Stir.
Add turkey wing and parmesan rind.
Let cook for a couple of hours over low heat (the turkey will fall of the bone – and that will be when the flavors really start to come together).
Pull turkey off the wing and add it to the beans (discard the skin and bones) – you can leave the turkey out if you want
Add salt to taste.

Note:
My ‘Italian-loving’ friends put a swirl of good olive oil on top and serve it with crusty bread for dipping.

Wish I Ate Like a Healthy Child

I had the cutest little lunch dates today. Yes, Carol, that's Rocco's (and I saw your parents there...so fun). As I sat eating lunch with my best friend's family, I thought, "I wish I ate like a healthy child." A healthy child is totally engrossed in the people, sights, sounds, and tastes of a restaurant. They take in everyone and everything and maybe eat three bites of their meal - much to the annoyance of their parents. Food is just not the priority for them.

I have had countless friends have children who don't eat. My parents have always said, "Unless they are sick, a child will eat when they are hungry. They may go light on a few meals but they will make it up later." It's true. Have you ever seen a child eat like a Hoover vacumn for a couple of days and then pick like a bird for a week? They eat when they are hungry, stop when they are full - and sometimes that's with just a little...and sometimes that's with quite a lot. I wish I could go back there eating wise. Now I just have an on and off button...sometimes it gets stuck in the on position..."Watch out, the Hoover is on!"

I did fairly well today - had a big salad for dinner and lots of activity getting ready for a Christmas tea this week. This week is going to be crazy. YIKES! I have good, healthy food ready though. More on that later.

A SHOCKING weigh-in

I lost .8 pounds. Folks, that is what we call a miracle. I wasn't crazy eating or anything; I just wasn't exercising and was consistently going over points. Glad I went and found that out so I could stop stressing myself out.

I am back on track. I need to figure out the exercise thing...I need consistency. I have priced out a treadmill but have put off buying it for four months. I am afraid I will buy it and never use it. Worse yet, I am afraid I will buy it and it will blow out the power in my 1950s, never been rewired, home. I realize the last is a fairly insane fear...but I have it nonetheless.

What to do? What to do? I could rejoin a gym but I just don't seem to want to leave my house when I finally get home...I so rarely get to be at home.

Thoughts?

Why You Shouldn't 'Miss' Your Meeting

A new lesson learned....if you miss your meeting, you will become lazy in doing the program like I have this week. I haven't been crazy. I haven't eaten whatever I have wanted but I haven't really been journaling, either. I start in the morning but stop around 4:00 p.m. I also haven't been balancing my meals - high calorie and low calorie/point meals. Like yesterday, I had a Christmas lunch at work and then went out for Mexican in the evening (2 tacos and some chips and salsa).

My final confession is that I have not been finding nutritious alternatives to old favorites. For instance, a friend is coming over for dinner tonight and I made brownies to serve with peppermint ice cream for dessert rather than a WW favorite.

I don't feel out of control but I know I'm not working the program and it makes me want to quit. However, I know all of this has come on because I missed my meeting. I need to go this Saturday and get the shot of motivation I need to continue the course.

Any words of encouragement? Also, I am having a heck of a time figuring out how to get exercise - I am not home until after dark (and my neighborhood ain't that great) and I quit my gym membership to save $$$. Help me, Rhonda!