Coffee Smoothie

This morning I took my pumpkin smoothie and modified it. I removed the pumpkin and added coffee instead. I wanted a smoothie but did not have the time to drink a cup of coffee and have a smoothie. The coffee is a non-negotiable if I am going to avoid an afternoon headache. Can you believe it- one cup of coffee a day and I'm addicted. Ugh. Don't worry, I had this with a Jimmy D-Lite breakfast sandwich. I need a lot to get me going in the morning.

Coffee Smoothie
1 package sugar-free vanilla Carnation Instant Breakfast drink
1 cup of coffee
skim milk to taste
1 packet of splenda
cinnamon - I put cinnamon in my coffee to help ward off colon cancer, help with blood sugar stabilization, and because I love it! You can leave it out or put another spice in.

Combine coffee and milk, add ice cubes to cool. Add Carnation, Splenda, cinnamon and extra ice. Blend until frothy. Delicious.

The blending until frothy reminded me of a friend of mine from high school. Warning - this is going to be a Debbie Downer moment.

Do you all remember Alba 77? It was like Carnation instant breakfast. This friend was struggling with the early stages of anorexia at this point. She told me she put tons of ice cubes in her Alba 77 and blended it for five minutes to get as much volume as she could to keep her full all day. Instead of thinking this through logically and realizing that 77 calories was way too low for an active young girl, I thought through the eyes of my own eating disorder and said, "Wow. That's a great idea. I'm going to try that, too." And I did. I drank those Alaba 77 drinks for years until I understood how dysfunctional it was to fluff dehydrated milk up with ice in order to subvert hunger signals. This wasn't a snack - it was her daily bread. 77 calories.

My friend died of anoxeria at the age of 30. She fought for five years to undo the damage that 10+ years of malnutrition did to her body. It was too late. She was fed intravenously for years because she could no longer enjoy eating a meal. No, her intestines no longer functioned properly. She died from an infection brought on by the port that was put in her body to keep her alive.

For years I thought it all started with that stupid drink but now I know it didn't. Her wounds were already deeply carved in her heart and the disorder was a way for her to deal with the pain that a young girl was otherwise unable to process.

I wrote all of this because I do not want anyone to stop by this site and use anything here to fuel an eating disorder. I do not do crazy things like have smoothies all day long. I eat a very well-balanced, satisfying and fortifying diet. I know now that crazy and extreme diets don't work and they can actually kill someone when coupled with unrelenting emotional pain. I call it the 'perfect storm' - those conditions that align themselves perfectly to create an eating disorder. I hope Winning Thru Losing will encourage you to find health - mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health...and that you'll encourage me to do the same. I hope that you'll talk me down from the ledge when I get crazy...or offer you something unhealthy.

Thanks for letting me be Debbie Downer for a moment...I'm back up and at 'em.